Monday, June 21, 2010

A Whole Lotta Delta

The other day my partner said, "there is a lot of delta in our lives right now." Yes, indeed, there is, and it seems appropriate for reflection on this the longest day of the year, the summer solstice.

I often say that the one constant in my life has been change (delta). Sometimes I wish I could either step back a bit for some gamma, or move on to epsilon (a little shout out to other Greek nerds out there!). But today is a day that reminds us that everything changes, and so I am trying to settle into this current life season of change.

Here are some of the waves in the sea of delta I'm currently floating in...
- I recently completed my Master of Divinity. Last week my diploma finally arrived in the mail, and the reality of it still hasn't quite settled in. Now I don't have to register for classes or figure out whether my scholarships and student loans will cover my expenses. I don't have to go out and buy or borrow books and shape my calendar around major papers and projects. It's a little disorienting, since the last 4 years of my life were organized by semesters.

- I have been packing up my old house in Fort Worth and moving things to Dallas, where I share a home with my partner. This is a wonderful change for the most part, and I'm thankful to have the constant love and support of an amazing and life-giving partner. It keeps me afloat. At the same time, every few days I sink into momentary breakdowns over not being able to find the right kind of pan to make enchiladas, or not having a good work space...all the little things that come along with living out of boxes and trying to combine households. Thanks to my friend and partner, I'm always able to come back up to the surface and ride the waves without too much sputtering.

- My 3 years as youth director for a wonderful church in Fort Worth came to an end last month. I'm still doing some little things, trying to tie up loose ends and keep in touch with the youth as best I can, especially until they find a new youth director. I'm taking stock of all the blessings that this church has so generously bestowed upon me. I'm proud to continue to call them my church home, and I hope that as I move into the next phase of my life, I will be able to keep some degree of contact with them. I cannot say enough good things about this church - the children & youth & adults who show up week after week ready to share a welcoming smile and a story about where they have seen God in their lives; the leadership teams who struggle to make decisions that will empower the members of the church to embody God in their local communities and around the world; and the pastors who share their lives with all of us, inspiring us to think more critically and reflect more lovingly and spiritually in our everyday journey of faith.

- In April, I was approved for ordination in the UCC, pending a call to a church. So I am entering the search and call process, apprehensive about the time involved and the new (to me) chains of communication and networking; wondering whether I am really cut out to be a pastor; excited about the prospect of doing what I have always felt called to do. Sometimes the thought that I am living into this lifelong dream fills me with so much hope and fear, all wrapped up together, making it hard to breathe and at the same time making me want to jump for joy.

-And still I need to find some gainful employment where I am now, something to pay the bills and start to pay back all those student loans (ugh!). So I am submitting resumes, and interviewing, and waiting...

In the meantime, I am living into the delta time, grasping for some constants by doing the things that give me life - living in the present with my beloved, arranging my space, cooking, reading, cuddling with my animal companions, coloring mandalas, listening to music, writing, etc.

I know delta well. We are good friends, and every time we have to dwell together, I emerge richer and wiser. The delta time makes me all the more ready to embrace the blessings of epsilon, the letter in the Greek alphabet that begins so many beautiful words: Euaggelion (Gospel or Good News), Eucharist (which is from the root for giving thanks), Eirene (Peace).